Miriam Trujillo
Old Broadway tunes blaring, Hollywood memorabilia scattered about a cavernous stone room; Nigel Miles-Thomas strode into his one-man-show in the character of a nervous Hollywood producer, trying desperately to keep his big star happy.
After a bit he drops the act and launches into his true story: He once was that nervous producer, he tells us, and his big time Hollywood star? None other than Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Miles-Thomas humorously takes us through his life: how he came from poverty, discovered a love of acting, and navigated through the twists and turns of an unprofitable career in the British theatre. A chance at a role sent him to America where eventually he became involved in producing the first ever British pantomime performed on American soil. And that’s where his real story begins.
The team behind Cinderella, the pantomime, decided that the best way to fill up their massive theatre and turn a profit would be to cast a major star in the role of the Fairy Godmother.
Miles-Thomas hilariously walked us through their hunt for a star: how Raquel Walsh had too many commitments and Ann Guilbert thought a panto in America would never land. Finally, out of nowhere, Miles Thomas got a call from waning Hollywood starlet Zsa Zsa Gabor. What followed was a surreal day at Gabor’s mansion followed by an even more surreal agreement to sign Gabor on as the Fairy Godmother.
And then it was all downhill from there for Miles Thomas. Holding the audience on the edge of their seats with his jokes, Miles-Thomas narrated how Gabor flaked out on rehearsal after rehearsal, made requests that cost the production a lot of money, and generally drained resources until the production teetered on the brink. It all came to a head for the first showing, held for the purpose of filming a preview. Unfortunately, that day was also a crucial moment in Gabor’s personal life as she had just lost a multi million lawsuit. Gabor strutted on the stage, ignorant of her lines, stage directions—all of it— and proceeded to air out her personal drama, in all it’s gory wrath, in front of every person and camera there.
It was explosive. Her outburst left the production in shambles, drowning in debt it couldn’t repay as seats were left empty night after night.
Miles-Thomas’ humorous tale of a producer’s woes and a celebrity’s ego was a humorous look at Hollywood’s own peculiar brand of nonsense: the dramas, the gambles, the glory that’s all snatched away with a few words. Miles-Thomas told his story well with impeccable timing, gentle audience interaction, and truly British understated wit. Once Upon a Time in Hollywoodland made for a fun hour’s entertainment, but it also sympathetically portrayed a starlet half forgotten by the world. A woman who’d grown so big she got lost in her own image. Amidst the laughs, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Gabor. Miles-Thomas portrayed her in all the silliness she was known for, but also with a touch of regret that I found rather moving.
Far from the most profound pieces at the Fringe, Once Upon a Time in Hollywoodland did what it set out to do perfectly. It told a funny tale, almost too wild to be true. It left us laughing…and crying just a bit for the hollowness behind Hollywoodland.
Recommended Drink: Vodka Martini, one of Hollywood’s favourites.
Performances of Once Upon a Time in Hollywoodland have now concluded at Prague Fringe 2025.
Jake Mace
Freddie Haberfellner
