OPINION: Charlie Mulliner – “My first major breakup was with Jesus. And boy, is that man hard to quit.”

Comedian Charlie Mulliner is bringing her debut character comedy hour Love Hunt to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2025. You can catch the show from July 31st to August 24th (not the 12th) at Just The Wee One at Just the Tonic at The Caves from 12:10 (60mins). Tickets are available through the EdFringe Online Box Office.

At the age of 30, I found myself alone in bed, crying my eyes out in a random French town. I’d just been dumped – by my agent.

I’d spent the last eight years desperately trying to make it as an actor. My career felt like going back to a bad boyfriend. Just enough attention to keep me hooked. Never enough to make me feel safe.

My first major breakup was similar – only it was with Jesus. And boy, is that man hard to quit. One moment, you’re basking in love and security, the next you’re wracked with guilt for simply being human. My time as an evangelical Christian was a rollercoaster: big highs, big lows, and by the end, I felt queasy. I got off when I realised there were parts of me that simply weren’t welcome there. But still – the loss was real.

Here I was again. Another breakup. And I didn’t know what I was going to do. For my entire adult life, I’d been chasing the same thing: wanting to be wanted. I’d look sideways at my friends, trying to work out what they were doing differently – or better. Trying not to panic that I was somehow getting it wrong.

I thought I knew what success was meant to look like: red carpets, a pension, BAFTAs in the loo. I thought I was failing. But now the jig was officially up.

Then, after the sobbing stopped, I looked around and remembered where I was – and why. I was in a random French town. Attending clown school.

I had chosen to come here. I had chosen to break free from the habits and hopes that were crushing me. The tears I was crying weren’t just grief or regret. They were tears of release. I was free. Free from the shadowy hope of who I thought I needed to be in order to be happy. Free from the weight of letting myself down.

Now, I could focus on who I actually was: a silly clown.

Being in France was like living on a blank canvas. I could paint anything I wanted. Clown school gave me the courage to bring my characters to the stage and express myself fully. It gave me the confidence to step out of the closet – and love freely too.

In the seven years since I left London, I’ve become an acting teacher at a Parisian drama school, gone back to train again as a student, and grown stronger, braver, and more honest with myself than I ever thought possible.

And—most importantly—I’ve had so much fun.

Now, at 36, I’m finally bringing my debut show to Edinburgh. It’s terrifying and exhilarating and, honestly, I don’t even care if no one comes (but please come). I’m just proud to have made something that reflects the person I am – not the one I thought I was supposed to be.

So really, what I want to say is: thank you, agent, for dumping me. Sorry, Jesus, for all the knob gags. I’m in a new relationship now. With myself. And this one’s a keeper.

Image Credit: Christopher Hope