Lamesha Ruddock
Is it contagious for men to show emotion? Generational repression, reimagined masculinity, and the solution to medicate collide in Why I Stayed…?, Aleksandr Popov’s gothic confessional tapping into bitter and lost memories oscillating between punchlines and theatre of cruelty.
How do you make sense of your feelings when you’ve been told your whole life to not show weakness? 11th July 2023. A Comedy Club. Aleksandr has just finished writing his suicide note and in the dark abyss, the light at the end of tunnel is glowing. The warm spotlight.
Did you know that suicide disproportionately affects men in Estonia, with a male rate of about 22.6 per 100,000? Aleksandr skillfully welcomes the audience into his psyche and his reasoning by questioning gendered emotionality in a responsible manner. Aleksandr cleverly threads the needle between self-deprecation and self-preservation. Knowing when to share and knowing when to reign himself in when he reaches cusps of spiraling most evident when he is talking about his ex-girlfriends and that his suicide note is absent from the production. This was a greatly enlightening and entertaining comedy set, deeply aware of his alternative futures based on who he doesn’t want to become, his father, his mother, a joke to his students, a nuisance to train-goers, a statistic.
Aleksandr addresses the audience directly. This is a gothic review for Aleksandr and we’re asked to bear witness to the making of his exit plan: If the spelling’s off, it’d be embarrassing. If the train is late, the drama’s ruined. And drowning feels like déjà vu from his childhood. Raised by a stoic Estonian mother and bullying Russian father, Aleksandr ingeniously uses dark humour to process the indoctrination of shame and the cost of silence.
Societal emotional numbness is brilliantly weaved throughout the comedy set. From a broken healthcare system that offers pills via apps; suicide hotlines without empathy; and students’ savage commentary on teacher’s mental health coping mechanisms. And yet, through it all, he keeps taking the jokes. Keeps us laughing. Keeps us scared. A commanding performance that’s as raw as it is razor-sharp.
A mic on a stand. Aleksandr’s signature top hat. A purple shirt and Stranger Things overshirt. This is a comedy set that knows exactly what it’s doing, teetering at the intersection of truth and entertainment. Performance-wise, Aleksandr holds the room with both irony and ache.
I did long for a visual or conceptual anchor, the forest that haunts him could have been rendered physically or sonically to immerse the audience further into something inescapable. The suicide note could’ve been physicalised, a document we’re bloodthirsty to read, turning us into complicit voyeurs craving entertainment from a man on the brink.
Why I Stayed…? offers a call to action to live in the now. This show dives deep into Aleksandr’s inner world, a mix of childhood wounds and looming fears, toeing the line between being earnest and comedic. Raw, cutting, unforgettable.
Keep writing shows that kill. Don’t kill yourself.
Recommended Drink: A double vodka.
Catch Why I Stayed…? A Gothic Review of Life? between 31st July and 24th August at 10:25pm. Tickets are available through the EdFringe Online Box Office.
Jamaican Nation Language Translation
Yuh gwarn laik yuh ah guh get sik if mi tuch yuh? Family ah hol u bak, gwarn laik man nuh hav nuh feelings, an di way fi medikiet all mash up inna Why I Stayed..?, Aleksandr Popov dawk tale ah wen im try kill imself. Im dig deep eena bita an los’ membriiz, inbetween jok an truu.
How yuh mek sens a yuh feelings wen all yuh laif dem tell yuh nuh fi show wikenis? 11th July 2023. Komedi Klab. Aleksandr jus finish rait im kill demself noat, an eena di deep dark, di lait a di en of di tunel a bright so, di spotlight.
Yuh nuo seh kill demself hit men bad eena Estonia? Bout 22.6 men per 100,000 ded. Aleksandr skilful invite wi eena im maind, im ah riizon ‘bout how man fi show feelings. im smart fi wawk di lain ‘twiin jok pan imself an protekt imself. im nuo wen fi tok an wen fi hold bak, speshaly wen im tok bout im eks-gyaldem, an di kill demself noat nuh de pan stage. Dis komedi set nuff bright an funni, im nuo all of di difrent paaz im kyad do, nuh waan be im fada, im mada, nuh waan be jok fi im students, nuh nyuusans fi treen raida, nuh namba pan a list.
Aleksandr tok stret to di krawd. Dis a gothik review fi Aleksandr, an wi fi look pon ow im plan fi liiv: if di speling wrong, dat wuda shaeim. If di treen leet, di hol show mash up. An draunin feel laik im pikney days kom bak an haunt. im grow up wid a kwaayiet Estonian mada an a haad Russian fada weh buli. Aleksandr yus blak joke fi dil wid shaeim.
Im kommunity don kyare an dis ran tru di hol show. From a brok helf sistem weh gi yuh pil tru ap; kill demself hotlain nuh kyare if yuh ded or aliv; an di haash wodz student sei bout im. Yet stil, Aleksandr kip joke. Kip wi a laf. Kip wi a fraid. im performans raw an shaap laik naif.
Maik pan a stand. Aleksandr hat weh im olweyz wer. Paapil shert an Stranger Tings ovashert. Dis komedi nuo wah it a du, it tok bout di truth an intaatment. Performans wayz, Aleksandr hold di rum wid aironi an pein.
Mi waan si sometin fizikal fi show di forest’ weh hant im, mek wi fiil trap fi riyal. Di kill demself noat kudda bi sometin wi si, big an skeri, mek wi kyurios fi rid it, mek wi paat a di stori.
Why I Stayed…? a kol fi liiv now. It daiv dip eena Aleksandr maind, miks a pikney days woun an fiaa, dere ah fain lain ‘twiin riyal an joke. Raw, shaap, an haad fi forgot.
Kip rait show weh kil. Memba, nuh kil yuself.
Rikomended Drink: Dabul vodka
Catch Why I Stayed…? A Gothic Review of Life? between 31st July and 24th August at 10:25pm. Tickets are available through the EdFringe Online Box Office.
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