Jake Mace
Milo Standards is the terrifying drag alter-ego of feminist comedian and activist Kate Smurthwaite, and Milo has arrived at Adelaide Fringe to deliver a deluge of dating tips and toxic masculinity in his show Penis De Milo. He thinks that the feminists have got it all wrong, and is offering us all the chance to witness him unzip the trousers of truth, and lay it on the table.
While Kate was unfortunately unavailable to join us for an interview, we managed to catch up with Milo for a truly unforgettable pixelated pint. In his own words… Read it before he gets cancelled.
You can catch Kate performing as Milo in Milo Standards: Penis De Milo at The Lab at Fool’s Paradise as part of Adelaide Fringe every day until Sunday 16th March at 6:45pm (55mins). Tickets are available through the Adelaide Fringe Box Office.
Jake: Hi Milo! Tell us about your hit podcast The Schlong Game.
Milo: After decades of feminists ruling the podcast airwaves, real men are finally back. I’ll be sitting in front of a brick wall handing out distasteful and borderline illegal dating tips for rounding up the bitches. I’m allowed to use the word “bitches” by the way because I’m a rapper, I learnt it at boarding school as part of a module on ghetto arts…
I’m not like the other pick up artists though – some of them rate women out of ten but I’m respectful so I give all women the same number, pi, cos you’re irrational. Not all women like that joke, probably cos they’re underrepresented in STEM subjects.
Jake: So do you have any dating tips you can share with us?
Milo: Being a pick up artist is a lot like playing lacrosse. Aggressive, outdated and you spend hours hopelessly trying to score with a tiny ball and weirdly shaped stick.
Also – always check their body count. That’s how many men they’ve shagged by the way, not how many they’ve killed, I’m ok with serial killers, I just don’t want slags. Oh and if they ask how you are – girls are weird like that, all emotional, it’s like they don’t know how to grunt – just say horny and then act like it’s their problem.
Jake: What are you hoping the audience might take away from the experience, if anything?
Milo: Obviously men will be getting all my top dating tips of course. There’s lots for the ladies too, I’ll be explaining in great detail how they’re doing feminism wrong. I mean no offence but the whole movement is run by women…who statistically are much less likely to have management experience. That’s not my fault by the way, it’s probably because you waste all that time sitting down to pee. There’s nothing for the non-binaries, I ran out of time, tough.
Jake: Now we’re in the throes of Adelaide Fringe, what are you most excited for?
Milo: I’m looking forward to hanging round outside all the burlesque shows so I can explain to the dancers that I’m not like the creepy guys who usually hang around their shows. They feel safe around me and able to express themselves by shouting things like “we’ve got a restraining order” and “next time I’m bringing an air rifle”.
Jake: Given the themes of Binge Fringe, if your show was a beverage of any kind (alcoholic, non-alcoholic – be as creative as you like!), what would it be and why?
Milo: My show is like a Vodka Red Bull – extremely toxic and guaranteed to wake you up.
You can catch Kate performing as Milo in Milo Standards: Penis De Milo at The Lab at Fool’s Paradise as part of Adelaide Fringe every day until Sunday 16th March at 6:45pm (55mins). Tickets are available through the Adelaide Fringe Box Office.
Image Credit: Guy Smallman
Madeleine Martin
Kat Burton
